Жить хорошо можно и в Украине. Причем бесплатно

Аттракцион невиданной щедрости или НЕ СРАТЬ – БЕСПЛАТНО.

За год, который прошел с момента моего переезда из Украины в Норвегию, я прочитала примерно двадцать томов комментариев-сетований о том, как плохо жить в Украине, потому что она не такая богатая, как Норвегия.

Не стану отрицать, конечно, для жизни уровня “ах” необходимы бюджетные средства, низкий уровень коррупции, честные суды, прозрачное законодательство и медицинская реформа.

То, что сдвигается с места медленно, как тектонические плиты, и не всегда зависит от вас напрямую.

Но существует огромное количество способов улучшить ежедневную жизнь до уровня “ок”.

Во-первых, своими руками, во-вторых, бесплатно.

Как я упоминала во вчерашнем посте о норвежских “хрущевках”, не ср*ть по подъездам – это бесплатно.

Единожды сделав ремонт в подъезде (делают же его в кои-то веки!), беречь его, не расписывать стены и не ломать перила – бесплатно.

Не воровать и не бить лампочки – бесплатно.

Хотите красивые дома? Хотите, чтобы даже в скучных спальных районах не так хотелось удавиться? Бесплатно не стеклите балконы (данные архитектурные конструкции вообще не предназначены для остекления, тем более переделывания их под пластиковые будки).

Бесплатно уберите с них хлам, выбросите, наконец, это старое ведро с остатками краски на дне и поломанный трехколесный велосипед младшего внука, женившегося на прошлой неделе.

Бесплатно повесьте сушиться свои трусы не под потолком на виду у всего района, а на сушилке вровень с ограждением. Поставьте на балкон два стульчика, посадите в цветочный ящик (торчит у вас пустым с момента заселения дома) чернобрывци (бесплатно соберите семена с клумбы под подъездом) – и вуаля! Общими усилиями дом выглядит почти-как-в-Европе.

Собака. Собаку держать дорого. Кормить-лечить-поводки-игрушки.

Поднимать за ней г*вно на прогулке – бесплатно. Для этого не нужны специальные брендовые пакетики для г*вна. Используйте те, которые остались от овощей из супермаркета.

И, кстати, держать собаку на поводке – тоже бесплатно. А вот лечить покусанную чужую собаку или ребенка – дорого. И даже клеить на столбе объявы “пропал любимец семьи, дети плачут, вознаграждение” – и то дороже.

Вы завидуете моим фото из чистых норвежских лесов, где гуляют с детьми и ездят на велосипедах?

Так убирать за собой мусор после пикника – это не стоит ни гривны.

Вы завидуете, что в Норвегии крайне редки ДТП, а дети не гибли в авариях уже несколько лет?

Причина не в том, что мы-тут-все-на-Теслах (с).

Не превышать скорость – бесплатно.

Не оттормаживаться, подрезав кого-то – бесплатно.

Пропускать пешеходов на переходах и не ездить по встречке – бесплатно.

Пристегиваться! Бесплатно.

Даже на ржавой “копейке”.

Дорогие пешеходы, не лезть на красный свет, не переходить шестиполоску в темной одежде ночью зимой тоже не стоит ничего.

Здоровье?

Вы часто говорите мне – вот, в Норвегии живут до 90 лет, потому что там самая богатая страна в мире.

О да. Важность своевременной медицинской помощи никто не отменяет.

Но дожить бодрячком до 90 лет – это не только когда тебя спасут от инфаркта в 75 в приличной, достойной клинике. Это и стиль жизни. Во многом совершенно доступный любому украинцу.

К примеру, не бухать. Бухать – это дорого. А вот НЕ бухать – бесплатно.

То же самое с не курить. Глядишь, и будет меньше шансов в будущем сетовать на дороговизну лечения от рака легких и цирроза печени.

Профилактика – почти бесплатно. Следить вовремя за своим здоровьем путем походов к врачу, когда еще не болит. Да, ремонтировать зубы дорого. Но чистить их бесплатно.

Сдавать раз в год общий анализ крови в районной поликлинике, чтобы вовремя реагировать на изменения – практически бесплатно.

Я живу в богатой стране, где меня если что будут хорошо лечить за счет государства. Но я сдаю кровь раз в год, просто чтобы бдить. И мужа приучила. А вы когда в последний раз?..

Здесь, в Норвегии, старики и старушки ходят пружинистым шагом. Потому что они всю жизнь бесплатно гуляют по пересеченной местности (вместо того чтобы торчать перед телевизором). И бегают, начиная с молодости. Нет, не в дорогих спортзалах на дорогих дорожках. А по уличным дорожкам. Тренируя сердце, мышцы и суставы.

Да, не всех болезней можно избежать, просто ведя здоровый образ жизни. И кто не курит и не пьет, тот здоровеньким помрет. Только он помрет в девяносто, а вы, умники – в шестьдесят, если сильно повезет.

Вот, к примеру, не толстеть – бесплатно.

Те, кто говорят, что питаться правильно очень дорого – лукавят. Отойдите от полок с надписями “эко” и “глютен фри”. Это не более чем маркетинг.

Не переедать, следить за калорийностью, уменьшить сладости и следить, чтобы в тарелке было поменьше жирных соленых консервов, а побольше кислой капусты и гречки – ужасно, ужасно скучно. Кто бы спорил. Но мы же не о веселье сейчас, а о деньгах, да?

Делать многие прививки бесплатно. Хоронить дорого.

Выглядеть как пожилые испанские синьоры? О, это недостижимо, ведь они богаты, а мы зубожилые.

Но не просто так я упомнила именно испанских бабушек, а не немецких или норвежских. Испания – бедная страна. Без шика. И, сколько я не присматривалась к их бабушкам в спальных районах Мадрида, я не увидела на них брендовых шмоток. Понимаете, они выглядят как синьоры просто потому что чистые и не носят блузу в фиолетовые стрекозы с юбкой в красно-коричневые квадраты.

Что заставляет нашу тетю без определенного возраста, придя на рынок или даже в сэконд, при прочих равных купить не темную юбку и светлую блузку, а леопарда и горошек? Бедность? Ах, ну да. У нее не было денег учиться в академии стиля в Париже. Олигархи виноваты. Те же олигархи виноваты, что ты не стрижешь ногти и не моешься. Мыться мылом утром и вечером – бесплатно. Но, зайдя в киевское метро, понимаешь, что, видимо, это недоступная простым смертным роскошь.

Еще очень бесплатно знаете что?

Молчать. Не трындеть по телефону, когда ведешь маршрутку, переполненную людьми. Да и сидя на месте пассажира, тоже не трындеть. Не орать “за-адняя площадка, ёпрст, как вы мне дороги, мать вашу!” Не садиться рядом с незнакомым человеком и не обращаться к нему страстно “до чего страну довели!” Не давать советов, пока вас не просят о совете. Не лезть с рассуждениями, придя в дом своих взрослых отдельно живущих детей. Не нравится жена сына? Зятек не дотягивает? Внуку шапочку не надели? Заткнитесь. Сидите молча на диване, пейте чай. Не можете молчать, г*вно уже выше ватерлинии? Знаете что? Пойдите тогда побегайте.

Будете больше двигаться, доживете до девяноста, станет как-в-Норвегии.

И в семье тишь да гладь, божья благодать.

И цветочек на балконе.

Совершенно при этом бесплатно, заметьте.

Можете в комменты бросать еще предложения, как улучшить свою жизнь и жизнь окружающих максимум по цене куска мыла.

Post Author: admin

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